This whole experience has forever changed my life. I have always been privileged, rarely did I hear “no” growing up. I have taken so much for granted when it comes to people, places and things. I look forward to getting out of here with a new appreciation for living, not just to be alive but really living beyond expectations. I now know I can do more then I previously thought I could do.
I have always had 2 favorite quote from silly movies…
- The juice is worth the squeeze and Attitude reflects leadership
Even saying that I have cancer is hard for me to process still because I still have my strength and health.
Every day I take my meds; about 6 pills twice a day, its a little of this and a little of that. I get 2-3 bags of Magnesium and 2-3 bags of Potassium every morning to restore my electrolyte balance b/c the chemo wipes that out, those infusion take most of my morning, 3 times a day I get chemo, twice a day is oral (2pm/2am) and then I have a 2/hr infusion at 730pm every night. Again, I do it all without complaint because to me the juice is worth the squeeze.
Last night, I got my first 2 bags of packed red blood cells because my hemoglobin counts fell below 8, those take about 3 hours to infuse each, then my 2 hr chemo, I didn’t get to bed until about 3am. At first I was annoyed, why did I have to wait all day for the blood from the blood bank, but then I realized I wasn’t being punished, maybe there was an emergency and someone needed that blood before me, here my attitude towards the whole situation reflected my choice to lead by example, no need to whine, complain or feel privileged like I might have done before this experience, I took it all in stride.
At first it was hard to understand why these things were happening to me, especially the first time i had to do something, but now we, my amazing nurses, team of doctors and I have a process. We have aligned on a plan of action, everyone is on the same page and understands their roles. The nurses take excellent care of me, ease my worries and help me through each procedure, the doctors evaluate my labs, choose my course of action/treatment and apply their extensive knowledge of medicine and there is me. I have chosen to do whatever I am asked, even if it means getting stuck twice a day for labs, because to me, at the end, when I walk out of here in the next few weeks, the juice will be worth the squeeze.
Waiting for the time when I can finally say, That this has all been wonderful but now I’m on my way